In an era of growing obesity around the world, weight loss is a matter of health and it can be a matter of life and death, especially for a relationship! While the genders may vary, it is quite common for one spouse to lose interest in the other due to increased weight gain.
One classic illustration played out on the Oprah Winfrey show, where a (quite pudgy!) cruelly judgmental husband proceeded to say the most insulting and debilitating things to his wife who happened to be heavier than him. He claimed to be trying to help her. He said he wanted her to improve, but this pattern of criticism and insult had gone on for years and it was clearly not helping the dieting goals of either person! And it was about to destroy the marriage it was supposed to improve.
When one partner in a relationship begins to demand change from another, it creates an opposition that may be more damaging to the relationship than the behavior it attempts to correct. First, correct the relationship alliances, then approach the behaviors in question. In most cases, it would do far more good to join the heavy person in a mutual eating revolution than to stand apart and criticize them.
Many people eat or drink or smoke excessively as a means to reduce anxiety and while changing behavior might benefit them any approach that increases anxiety risks making both the problem and the relationship worse.
One psychological secret of relationship is that partners almost invariably mirror each other's psyche at many levels. One may eat too much while their thin partner smokes too much or has bouts of anger that are out of control. Given this mirroring, a wise approach to change is "If you see something in your partner that you don't like-- change it in yourself.
This reduces the mirrored effect with no criticism or focus on the partner. It models self-control which is the best form of behavior change. Throughout history, the greatest teachers are not those who want to be the master over someone else but those who can master themselves!
Whenever we try to change another person, we create an opposition that invites competition and resentment. When we try to control another's behavior we activate a basic resistance to being told what to do. Being told what to do puts the teller in a position of power and dominance over the recipient, and invites rebellious behavior. When told to lose weight, many spouses immediately gain weight in order to prove their independence and save self respect.
If we join our partners in self improvement, we can create a team approach in which no one need to feel inferior, or be controlled by another person. Each person can contribute to the team effort and mutual encouragement and mutual success can strengthen the bonds. How we define the boundaries of the group make all the difference. It strengthens my resolve to have an ally in change, while it distracts my focus to resist both my own habits and someone who is trying to control me.
If both partners need to lose weight, why not mutually study the issues and create a shared approach to shopping, cooking and dieting that brings both together rather than antagonizing both. Criticism is a negative force in any relationship and it generates negative reactions that do not further the positive goals of weight loss.
If one party needs to lose more weight than the other, they can simply adapt portion sizes to suit each individual, rather than isolate and stigmatize the heavier person as the only one needing to change. Avoid the sort of forces which have often contributed to overeating in the first place. Creating a loving, supportive, team effort is much more likely to engage loyalty and activate a desire to please the other, which can help in losing weight.
And if only one person has the weight problem, there is likely to be a mirror of excess somewhere else in the picture. While one person cuts back on the calories, the other could count and reduce the number of cigarettes, or the frequency of anger outbursts or maybe just the frequency of criticisms that can poison the relationship. Don't let "self improvement" goals become an excuse for abuse that can divide and conquer both parties. Form a team with both parties on the same side!
See Dr Masa and Debbie Hart's ebook, "How We Lost Our First 100 Pounds Together: Romantic Weight Loss for Couples." Consider some great options for online help from Weight Watchers. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=R._E._Masa,_Ph.D. |
Foods To Prevent Obesity?
This, surely, is the oxymoron of the year. Reuters reports that the "Dutch hope to invent foods that prevent obesity". That single sentence encompasses the arrogance, greed, and plain foolishness that exists in the minds of those who "invent" foods. "We are working on certain food ingredients, which provoke more satiety than others do on the long run, so that...
Potential Link Between Obesity And Environmental Chemicals
A team of researchers at the University of New Hampshire is investigating whether the increasing ubiquity of chemical flame retardants found in foam furniture, carpeting, microwaves and computers might be related to the climbing rate of obesity in the United States. [click link for full article]
Be Inspired: Shannan's Story
Some people have it tough, and others have it very tough. Shannan Hutchinson is one of the latter. Shannan has Multiple Sclerosis - yet despite the phenomenal challenges posed by her illness, Shannan was able to lose over 90 pounds - by eating right and exercising. Here is her story....
Splenda Buys Hundreds of Anti-Splenda Domains
The makers of Splenda have been busy. Busy enough to purchase over 211 domain names - such as SplendaKills.com, SplendaPoison.com, SplendaVictims.com. It is an elaborate and insidious ploy to prevent any negative information being written on-line....
Philips 598: The Phone For Weight-Conscious Women
Philips are releasing a cell phone targeted towards women. What's intriguing about the phone is the feature set. The features include both a Body Mass Index calculator and a Basal Metabolic Rate feature. Apparently women need to be able to calculate their BMI anywhere anytime....
Singapore To Cancel Anti-Obesity Program
Singapore plans to end a 15-year-old anti-obesity program in schools after complaints from parents that overweight children, in particular, were being singled out and teased by classmates....
Modern Imaging Unravels Causes Of Addictive Behaviour - A Possible Basis For New Therapies?
What can radiology contribute to the treatment of obesity (adipositas)? Evidently a great deal, as was made clear at the European Congress of Radiology (ECR 2007) at Austria Center Vienna. [click link for full article]
Obesity Surgery Can Lead To Memory Loss, Other Problems
Weight loss surgery, such as gastric bypass surgery, can lead to a vitamin deficiency that can cause memory loss and confusion, inability to coordinate movement, and other problems, according to a study published in the March 13, 2007, issue of Neurology®, the scientific journal of the American Academy of Neurology. The syndrome, called Wernicke encephalopathy, affects the brain and nervous system when the body doesn't get enough vitamin B1, or thiamine. [click link for full article]
Corn: How Much Do You Eat?
When I think of corn - I think of a tasty cob - freshly picked at the height of summer. If only it was really like that. Corn (Zea Mays) is actually a major ingredient in a phenomenal number of processed foods (corn syrup in particular). A new feature-length documentary - King Corn - explores the whole corn industry...
How to Display a Picture in Your Comments
I've finally enabled avatars / pictures for commenters. Here's how you do it. Go to a site called Gravatar. Follow the instructions by entering your email (make sure it is the same email address that you use for your diet-blog.com comments!). Once registered you can upload a picture. From then on your picture will display next to your comment (see...